I always thought death is a sad and painful thing so when my stepmom persuaded me for the 4th time to go see my dad and I hesitated, I realized something is wrong.
Death is a selfish and annoying thing. Yeah, fuck I just said these taboo words. Hate me and diss me.
What happens when someone dear to you is near death but he still have not repented for his sins and is acting doubly irritated, inconsiderate and selfish. For example your dad.
Then your mom takes her annual leave as last resort, wakes up everyday 5 am to fetch the kids to school then rush to the hospital to help him pee, bath and eat. She comes back after dinner to teach the kids homework n put them to bed then rush back to the hospital again.
What happens when he wronged her before and do not feel a tinge of guilt in him. Treats her like a former parenthesis.
In return I have to be at home to make sure the kids are grounded and the house is safe. I can’t go out to meet clients or customers. I have it easy cuz I m not the wife who saw him naked before so I do not have to potty pee him.
Then the money issue comes in and all the debts, the true integrity of a man as a father and a husband is revealed. Money is taboo to talk and fight over death isn’t it? But this is reality, hey I am not the one who baked his overactive sperm into 2 young kids. But I m the one who might have to shoulder them in the future so money is an issue.
Then he tells you things like he is dying in a few weeks. And your mom runs out of paid leave to take. What happens if the process to actually die takes more than 5 weeks? Or 5 months instead.
Is my mom’s and my life gonna halt for 5 months with money flowing out continuously to him and not to the children?
Of course there are alot of other issues that couldn’t go public. The point was never to display my anger by writing this. It is to correct the misconception of the sugar-coated romantic death scenes in movies and give this a reality check.
For example, planning for a funeral and settling inheritance. Withdrawing all the cash out and signing all the papers required to transfer assets. Selling and buying things. Cloaking the situation from the kids in the house and bringing in friends n relatives from places to see him.
At the meantime, he is slowing dissolving away physically, mentally and emotionally. Heck, all of us are draining away. This is reality where there are things that need to be done at a speed that does not allow you to register any emotions at all.
Cry by the bedside n hold his hands? That’s a luxury we do not have.
Death for a person can be happy if he was a good person but for someone selfish, things come around.
My tears I realized were part of my responsibility as a child. I cry cuz I can no longer dream of sharing my success with him. I cry when I know he will not be there when I get married. I cry when I know I will not be able to work with him.
I cry when I know he as a father, he has sacrificed so much more any father could have for his daughter.
The sad thing is I will not be able to cry for his role as a husband and a man. I do love him as a father, but not as a man.
The moral of the story is all the relationships you make in your life determine how you die, a burden, loss or an inspiration.
Do bad to your wife n family then you will die a burden. Treat people in your life well and you will be a great loss to them. Contribute when you are about to die and you will be an inspiration. Ever read Tuesday by Morrie?
// Posted from my iPhone