The date was 20th February, 2010 and it was still Chinese New Year. There were lots of movies playing at the cinemas and I was itching to watch some of them. McGarmott, a colleague of mine, had previously posted a ludicrous comment on his Facebook wall and it sounded something like this:

THEORETICAL WEEKEND CINEMA SCHEDULE:
11.00 “Valentine’s Day”
13.15 “Wolfman”
15.20 “72 Tenants Of Prosperity”
17.00 “Little Big Soldier”
19.00 “14 Blades”
21.15 “True Legend”
00.30 “Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief”

Thus proving it is possible to squeeze 7 movies into a day!

….. It’s commendable that this guy actually takes some off his free time (which is a lot) to plan this little marathon, but it’s also not surprising to me. For, you see, he’s kind of a monster when it comes to movies. He’s like a walking encyclopedia, or a human IMDB in the office. I would never have enough patience to plan more than two movies…

Anyway, theoretically speaking, 7 movies in a row is actually really possible provided that all participants have absolutely nothing else to do on that day and are absolutely 100% fresh (with enough sleep and rest the night before). Sadly though, it wasn’t the case for me as I had to attend a birthday party of a friend and that ended quite late… Sorry if i potong your stim.

So, in the end, I told McGarmott that I couldn’t wake up in time for the 11 o’clock show, but I would join him for the second show. Luckily, he hadn’t bought any tickets yet. I ended up watching ONLY 4 movies, dissapointingly. I was really aiming for 7. Stim adi. Then kena potong.

McGarmott watched one extra movie, 72 Tenants of Prosperity, in the morning, the one which I missed.
So, to start things off, the first movie we watched together was Wolfman. It’s the first of 2 movies that our studio worked on; the other one will be revealed later. We missed about 10 minutes of the movie because I had trouble looking for parking space in One Utama. I wished I had missed the whole movie. It was horrible and filled with so many cheap scares, I would say it was on par with a B-grade movie.

Wolfman… MiaoMiaoman…

While getting a hair cut at Shunji Matsuo Mid Valley, I read a magazine which ran an article featuring Benicio Del Toro, who played the lead role and title character in this film. He himself admitted that the script for this movie was finalised two weeks prior to principal shooting. Before that final script, several others were written and thrown out the window. It was originally scheduled for a November 2009 release but it got pushed back several times, finally premiering on February 2010. Several directors were changed before they settled on Joe Johnston. So you see, the movie was already in shambles before it even began. (But boy, does Del Toro look a lot like Brad Pitt! McGarmott disagrees. Who cares?)

There is nothing wrong with the plot, despite it being a ‘horror’ movie. Sadly, as it is billed a horror film, it didn’t as much as moved my ass an inch off my seat, not to mention jump off it. It’s purely because the scares were so predictable and lame. The makeup was laughable, and laughed out loud I did, much to the annoyance of those sitting around me, when the transformation sequence took place, or whenever there were close-ups on Wolfie’s cute/miao miao/ugly mug. Really looked like a pissed off cat. The way this half-wolf, half-man creature runs was just hilarious, it’s costume very much like Han Solo’s from Star Wars. I don’t wish to waste any more time with this movie, it’s just so forgettable.

Han Solo and… Han Solo with facial hair…

After a short lunch, we went on for our next movie:

A heart-warming film by Jackie Chan, Little Big Soldier

Now, Jackie Chan has really disappointed me with his flurry of Hollywood produced movies. They are all just too mellow and it made him look like a clown. I was glad he did New Police Story, but after that, I’ve just been waiting for another Asian film by him that is really good. After watching Little Big Soldier, my wish came true, and I was actually glad to see Jackie on the big screen again!

I needed the help of subtitles for this movie because I don’t really understand Mandarin, but even I can tell that Jackie’s Mandarin wasn’t really natural as well (his English is, everyone knows, worse). His co-star, Wang Lee Hom had started his film career brilliantly in Lust, Caution, according to McGarmott and his performance in this film was impressive too. I just thought he was a bit monotonous and wooden, but it was probably justified by his character’s personality as a General/R**** P*****. Jackie does less of those trademark death defying stunts and fight scenes. In fact, his character is a coward farmer who couldn’t even hold a sword properly (his prefered weapons are stones. Throwing them, right smack in the enemy’s eyes). But that doesn’t mean that there’s no more exhilirating martial arts/fighting sequences involving him. It was really refreshing to see the results of his creative juices and dedication to keep shooting new, entertaining action sequences.

The story was actually conceived by Jackie himself a long time ago, and it was said that he originally imagined himself playing the role of Wang Lee Hom’s character. But he made the decision to play the joker and he pulled it off brilliantly. His chemistry with Lee Hom was good, but could be better. However, I thought that the subplot involving the dancing girl wasn’t necessary for the film. They should instead concentrate more on developing both the main characters. Though the movie wasn’t really an emotional roller coaster ride, it did make me feel for the people that lived, fought, and died during the Warring States period of ancient China. Though I do not know to what extent the accuracy of the events that are portrayed in this film, there must be some truth in that part of Chinese history, right?!

The chemistry between the two main characters were pretty good. Good job by both actors!

The cinematography was impressive, many shots were framed beautifully. The colours were vivid, in contrast to the dark style of Wolfman. Make up and costume were admirable, though I wouldn’t know how accurate they really are. There was one thing that I didn’t like about the movie, and it was the song featuring the vocals of Jackie Chan. Somebody just knock this into his head please: JACKIE! YOU CAN’T SING TO SAVE YOUR LIFE!

Still it’s a recommended watch, and not necessarily to Jackie Chan fans only.

Ok, moving on then… The next movie we watched was Valentine’s Day. It had so many stars in it, I wondered how this movie would work and which star would get the most screen time.


Look at the number of stars! Now, tell me Valentine’s Day (the occasion) is not some commercialised bullsh*t!

At first the movie seemed messy with so many subplots scene after scene, but it all made sense in the end, somehow (rather predictably) everyone’s connected to each other in some way or another. Dissapointingly, Taylor Swift should practise more on her acting, or just focus on her singing career for now. Sorry, honey. Besides her acting, I thought that her subplot was rather a waste of time.

The cast were great and one would expect nothing less with the direction for a movie like this. With so many egos on board, I’d imagine the job of their managers to be really sh*tty. The movie wasn’t really a tear-jerker for me though. That’s not to say that it doesn’t affect you emotionally. Just enough for you to leave the cinema feeling, “Hey, that movie wasn’t as bad as the ratings said it was afterall!”

Jennifer Garner so wrinkled liao.. ish! I dunch liketh T_T

One thing about this movie though… it feels very familiar. Nothing is really original, which can be a good or bad thing. We are all accustomed to plots such as best friends ending up being couples, cheating partners, the cliche “It’s not you, it’s me” shIts, or trying to have sex for the first time with your girlfriend only to get caught with your pants down, etc. etc. So nothing is really new or shocking, though Anne Hathaway’s plot was rather creative in a sense (made even better by a stellar supporting act by Queen Latifah).

All in all, a decent movie for couples and friends, but I’m not too sure if it’s safe for the family with all the references to sex/sexual behaviours. A mother and her teenage daughter was sitting next to me and I could literally feel the embarrasment oozing out from the both of them, like they both damn silent only whenever sex is dicussed in the movie lol.

Last but, very least actually, is Pussy… opps.. Percy Jackson and The Lightning Thief. I like Zeus only though.

I am not a child actor… I’m actually a teenager! Whatever…

Blushberry and McGarmott probably know what I label these nasty ‘child-hero’ movies (read Harry Potter, Narnia series, Eragon, Bridge to Terra-whatever-the-f**k-you-are, etc. etc.). I loathe them with a vengeance because:

A. Child actors are not ‘actors’.
B. Most of them are adapted from novels that no real adults give a crap or ever heard about.
C. I have to suspend my disbelief in order to watch, not to mention enjoy, the movie. Which I hate doing. So piss off.

(Child-hero movies may or may not contain all three of the above. But most of them do.)


Hades in true form! Awesome!

Hades in humanoid form…
Still, I heard the VFX for this film were pretty amazing, given the reputation of Digital Domain who did most of the post work on it. CG Hades, Minotaur, Medusa’s snake hairs, Hydra, the water effects, body/limb replacements, etc. etc. all look really cool. Hell never looked so fiery awesomesauce before. Also, the company that I am working for gave a little helping hand to complete this movie. So, while I enjoyed and was really impressed with the VFX, the movie without it was pure crap and a pain in the ass to watch. And it felt especially wierd that in this kiddy movie, there were so many sexual references that do not seem appropriate (yes, I know there are a lot of crazy sex/incest sh*t going on in Olympus, but this is a kiddie movie F.F.S.!).

Awesome CG, but too bad stupid Hydra can’t get his head around pillars!
This movie had all three of the loathing factors that I harbour for these type of movies. A, the leads can’t act to save their lives as most of their expressions just look totally fake. Either too forgetable or too exaggerated to the point of being hilariously stupid. And the script didn’t help either. B, I have never heard of the novel nor would I ever give a crap about it, but I admit I was interested in the Greek mythology elements of the story, due to the fact that I am a huge fan of the God of War (game) series.

VS Bad-ass Minotaur                                      Pussy Jackson

And C, wei c’mon lah wei, how can this pussy boy just defeat a bad-ass looking Minotaur wei? Damn lame wei the way he win. And the stupid Hydra is like 3-effing-storeys high wei, not enough to crush those puny pillars meh? All it did was shift its butt from left to right, waiting for the kid to come out of that little section of the small museum. You watch then you know la how stupid the whole thing is. I felt my intelligence being insulted, just watching the battle sequences. Hence my sentences being kelam kabut trying to replay the scenes in my head.
Hades heavy on metal… Just lookat that cheap-ass looking plastic shield!
I’m accustomed to Steve Coogan being a terrific comedian, so just seeing him in the role of a grunge/metal loving Hades (got electric guitar in Hell wei!) tickled my bones. Again, I think I was the only one laughing when he finally turned his face towards camera. Poor, poor Pierce Brosnan playing as Chiron… just look at his belly and flabby arms.. It just makes this movie more laughable than it already is.

Oh, here’s a picture of Kirk Hammett, lead guitarist of Metallica. Kthxbai!

SPOILER AHEAD! ———————————-

I got a question. If Zeus’ Lightning Bolt (the object which was stolen) is the most powerful weapon ever created, how come Pussy Jackson’s little fancy water show (he’s the son of Poseidon, can control water, even make girls sq***t) can defeat the guy who was using it against him? If I remember correctly, my science teachers thought me that water CONDUCTS electricity, right? Wtf man? Pussy Jackson should have been fried Sotong Jackson instead!

SPOILER FINISH NO MORE LIAO! ———————-