This long weekend of holiday, I had a very important thing to ponder about. Next week, KY and I are going to get our rings. Not wedding rings but wedding TATTOO rings. Its different from rings, which can be taken off during a heated argument. A tattoo is difficult and painful to remove, it is going to be there for life.
An increasing number of questions popped up and there is no Google for the answers. It has to be from me this time and for someone who cant make sense of her own emotions..I struggled to search for answers.
Before KY left for his diving trip yesterday I cowardly wormed my way around and asked for some answers. I often find it difficult to comprehend his confidence when it comes to decision making. The tattoo thing was a spontaneous thing and I wasn’t sure if he is doing it cuz it was I dunno, fun? or it meant something else on a different level to him.
To which he just declared the most romantic thing he had ever said : “Spontaneity is when you decide to get married and you get married on the same day. It’s not spontaneity when you decide to tattoo a ring and you have more than 100 days to decide against it.”
Well, I have got my own answers today.
I still remember the first time I was in his room, we spent a long time listening to music and looking at lyrics cuz our taste seemed to be the same. Few months from then, I am sitting in his car with his stereo blasting some cool music that we are singing along as the turbo whistles. Another few months and we are listening to Parlotones with our Macs side by side.
Instead of being romantic and mushy, we talk bout science, coding and technology. I enjoyed chilling with him and working on little projects together.
My aims recently catered around go kart, a healthy lifestyle, an unforgettable career, be a good person and constantly learning new things to improve and change myself, like a diet from the nutrisystem plans for men and many other helpful things. Its dangerous to change in a relationship, common grounds might get lost and paths may be divided. I could do it with him cuz I know no matter how far I run, he could chase up. And I actually could find dedication in me to chase up if he grows too fast too.
I am seriously so fucking dense.
Today, I am worrying about “Oh no, what am I gonna do, I am getting married!”.
But the fact that I should have realized is this :
In the past, I worry about “Oh no, what am I gonna do, I don’t wanna get married!”
You know how you always have a list of specifications for your soon-to-be boyfriend/girlfriend. Like for example, handsome(funny how this came up as the first example), muscular, smart, successful, got a dog, plays guitar bla bla.. You know that you would totally dig a guy like that.
Then someone different came along and make you realize that all your specifications is wrong. Then you have the most shocking revelation that you wanted the wrong things all along and he is actually the correct concoction of the best-est recipe of specifications ever. That’s how KY is to me.
Its the little little things that are right about him, building up subconsciously in me that made me say “yes” “why not” “It will be fun!” What I didn’t realize is it will never be a “yes”, “why not” and “it will be fun” with anyone else.
Sorry if I am not very coherent. I can’t make sense of whats in my heart most of the time, explaining them would be like asking Mozart to explain about the chemistry of cooking.
But yeah. I am ready.
With that said, the excitement and paranoia just hit me after 4 months of being engaged.
Shit. I am getting married!!